Lost
by JantoFan
Summary: Noel and Julian have a secret...


**Just a random little fic, based on a dream I had about the Boosh boys (most coherent dream I've had in months! Very strange.) Anyway; hope you like it! It is a little odd… :)**

**Disclaimer: Only owned in my dreams :)**

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen that's all we have time for! Let's hear it for the MIGHTY BOOSH!"

The four men waved as they made their way past screaming fans to the back of the shop and through the 'staff only' door, headed for the coffee room.

"Umm…excuse me? Noel?"

He turned.

"Um, hi…listen, I know you're done now and everything, but could you sight this for me? It's for my daughter, she's a huge fan."

He grinned at her, taking the proffered DVD. "Sure. What's her name?"

"Sandy."

He glanced down at the woman's name badge, which read 'Sandy'. Smirking slightly, he signed the box. "Here you go!"

"Thanks so much!" the woman scurried away, clutching the DVD, obviously afraid her manager might catch her.

"How come only you got to sign the box?" Dave asked, grinning.

"Well, I am the best looking…" this comment got him several playful slaps on the arm.

Dave suddenly looked up at the clock. "Shit, guys, I gotta run. Can you apologise to the manager for me?"

"Sure."

"Oh, mike, could you come out to the car? I've got that CD you wanted…"

They left. The other two men made their way into the coffee room, and closed the door. The second it snapped shut, the grin that had been fixed upon the face of the younger man vanished and he slumped into one of the chairs, groaning and running his hands through his long dark hair. His friend looked round.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. No. I'm just so tired!"

"What do you mean?"

"This! Festivals, signings, chat shows, performing live! And we're halfway through writing the movie…It's just all getting so much, you know?"

"I know, little man." He went and sat down beside him, putting an arm comfortingly round his shoulders.

"Umm…hey?"

"What?"

"Doesn't matter."

"No, tell me."

"It's just…you will come with us, wont you? When we go?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged uncomfortably. "It's just…I mean, if Dee doesn't want to come I'll be gutted of course, but I'll still leave. But you…you're tied here. You've got kids! What if Julia doesn't want to leave with us?"

"She will."

"But what if she doesn't? You can't just abandon your children…"

"I can't exactly abandon you either, can I? Come on little man, I promised you when all this happened I'd stick with you."

"I suppose…"

"Where's all this coming from, anyway? I thought you loved all this fame and attention?"

"I do! Just…maybe not as much as I used to. I'm getting homesick, and it's gotten worse these past few years. It's worse for me than it is for you; I've got all the media attention. Maybe you had the right idea, keeping a low profile."

"I did try to warn you…"

"And it's even worse since we became 'The Mighty Boosh'! That's your fault, that is, this was all your idea."

"Come on now, this isn't so bad is it? Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt don't have such bad lives! Besides, how was I supposed to know it would become such a phenomenon? I can't imagine why people like watching our everyday lives to be honest."

"It's coz it's different, Howard! Don't you remember when we first arrived here, how weird it all seemed? No talking animals, no magic!"

"We settled in ok though, didn't we? And you helped with that!"

Vince smiled. "Yeah."

"Vince Noir; computer genius! What would people say if they knew!"

Howard didn't know how they would have coped with this new universe if it hadn't been for Vince's computer skills. He had managed to create an entire past for them, even down to birth certificates. And he'd managed to find people to pretend they were their families…Howard personally had found that a bit weird at first, but he was used to it now. He had even begun to think of these people as his parents, and he was sure Vince felt the same about Diane and Ray. It had been Vince's idea to suggest 'Noel Fielding' didn't understand computers; just that little bit of extra information to ensure no-one looked too closely.

At that moment the door opened and Mike Fielding walked in, holding a CD. He closed the door again, chucking the disk down onto a table.

"Hey Naboo."

He frowned, concerned. "Vince? You ok?"

"He's fine. Just getting a bit homesick."

"Oh." Naboo sat down next to him. "Come on, we'll get back. Bollo's there, and the Shaman council, they'll figure out a way to re-open the portal. I should get about 6 hours warning…"

"But that was over 15 years ago, Naboo! What if they never manage it! I don't want to be buried as 'Noel Fielding'! I want to go home and live as 'Vince Noir'! I wanna see Brian Ferry and Bollo and…hell, I even wanna see Fossil again!"

"They will get us back. I promise."

Vince smiled sadly at his friend. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Naboolio."

The three men sat in silence for a while, drinking coffees Howard had made.

"Maybe I should go find the manager?" Naboo suggested eventually.

"Yeah, I mean we do need to be in London by…" Howard found his words drowned out by a sudden _fizzing _in the air around them. The next second; a swirling portal erupted into existence. And in the portal was…

"Bollo!"

"Precious Vince! Precious Naboo!"

"Hi Bollo."

"Oh. Hello Harold."

Howard rolled his eyes.

"Naboo, shaman council sent me with portal. Taking you back home."

"Home!" Vince practically flung himself onto Howard's lap in excitement. "We can go home!...but wait." He frowned suddenly. "You're here now. Why are you here now?"

"Bollo explain later. Portal only sustained for next 5 minutes or so."

"But…" Vince looked accusingly at Naboo. "You said we would have 6 hours! What about Dee?"

"What about Julia? And Walter and Arthur?" Howard chimed in angrily.

"I'm sorry. You won't be able to take them."

"But…"

"Vince! Your choice; Dee or home. You too, Howard."

"Home." Vince said instantly, standing up and going to join Naboo and Bollo beside the portal. "Howard?"

"I can't…"

"But, Howard you said…"

"I know what I said! But that was if she had a choice and didn't say yes! I can't…I can't just leave, Vince! I have a family!"

"You're MY family!"

"I know, but…" the older man gazed desperately around the room, as though hoping a solution might spring out from behind the sofa.

"We'll come back for them, Howard!" Naboo said urgently. "Come on! If we don't leave now, you won't be able to come back!"

"You say you can come back for them; you can come back for me, too!"

"Howard!" he looked into Vince's face, now tear stained and desperate at the thought of losing his best friend. "Please! I can't leave without you, not when it might be another ten years…" he glanced at Naboo and Bollo, then stepped away and went to stand next to Howard.

"Vince!" he hissed. "What're you doing?"

"You and me together, yeah? That's how it's always been."

"But you want to leave. You know you do."

"I know. But I'd rather be here and with you than home and on my own." His voice suddenly got quiet. "You used to think that about me, too."

"I do little man; of course I do but... you wouldn't understand. You don't have kids!"

"Howard! Vince!" they looked at Naboo. The portal was growing fainter now; it would be gone in another minute. Howard gave Vince a little shove back towards Bollo and Naboo.

"Go, Vince. Please. You're not happy here, not anymore. And I don't want to see you unhappy…"

"Howard!" Vince tried to go back over to his friend, but Naboo grabbed his arm and held him firmly. For such a little guy, he was surprisingly strong.

Howard looked at Vince and hesitated, clearly torn between an intense desire to go him, and the need to stay with his family.

"Howard, I promise we will come back for them!" Naboo insisted. Even he was looking a bit tearful now.

"Howard!" Vince repeated desperately.

And then he made up his mind. He couldn't leave Vince, he just couldn't. Howard walked over and stood within the portal, where Vince instantly grabbed his arm like a small child.

"10 seconds." Announced Bollo.

Howard suddenly felt a terrible surge of guilt that he was doing the wrong thing. He had to stay…

"Wait!" he cried out, and tried to get free of Vince's arm, but the younger man held on.

And then the portal vanished.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

About three seconds later, the door to the room opened and a middle aged man stepped in.

"Guys, that was great, I just wanted to…hello?" the room was empty. _That's weird. _He thought. The only sign that anyone had even been in there were a spilled cup of coffee and three jackets, slung haphazardly over a chair.

_

* * *

_

Police are today launching an urgent man-hunt following the disappearances of comedians Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Also missing is Michael Fielding, who stars alongside the duo in popular TV comedy 'The Mighty Boosh'.

_All three were last seen at a DVD signing event in Bristol five days ago._

_Dave Brown, 35, is believed to be the last person to have seen them before they vanished, and is currently helping police with their enquiries._

_Anyone with any information relating to the disappearances, or to their current whereabouts is urged to contact police immediately._

**

* * *

**

What do you think? Is a bit random I know; but I thought the board has been pretty dead this week so I might as well post it :)

**Cookies for reviews! Love xx**


End file.
